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The Valiard Mansion - Chapter 4 by The-Ez The Valiard Mansion - Chapter 4 by The-Ez

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Time to meet Mr Byron! :la:

Oh my gosh! This literally took months! :faint: This chapter was a logistical NIGHTMARE! :XD: It was originally supposed to be part of Chapter 3, but I'm very glad I split them up. :D

Please let me know if things get confusing. It was tough to run with so many conversations and actions. Please let me know if anything is unclear or superfluous. :blush:


==


CHAPTER 3 << | CHAPTER 4 | >> CHAPTER 5
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:iconriku-gurl:
riku-gurl Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I completely LOST IT when Gangfield stole Ruth's greeting to Mr Byron!! xD

The dialog up to this point is only getting better and better! Its phenomenal! You seem to have a really good understanding of the high society English (I don't know if that's a thing I'm just calling it that?) etiquette in conversation.

I really. REALLY love Gangfield. And I can't get enough of his lines-- "Forgive me. I seem to have misplaced my rat."

*dying* x'D :heart:
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:iconsindos:
sindos Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Woo, I am loving this story! the characters are lovely, and I do enjoy friendships in books, haha, all the mocking!
I wanted to point this phrase: "Ruth was relieved, but she tried to concealed it" in page 24… is it not "conceal"?
I wish there where more illustrations like in last chapter! but the narrative is still clear without them.
Gaaad, Gangfield, I accuse you of greeting plagiarism!
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:icontheallorian:
TheAllorian Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student Writer
Another great chapter! 
I know you like hearing feedback and stuff, and I did notice one tiny thing that may or may not have been intended;
  “Settling for life-long security sounds like a pretty good deal
to me. Right now I—me, Ruth, right here—I have nothing." I do believe after the second hyphen you can remove the 'I'. I think the hyphens are supposed to be added information, so that when you take the hyphened bit out it'd still make sense *if that makes any sense*. 

Like, If you took the 'me, Ruth, right here' out of it, it says, 'Right now I I have nothing.' That's what I've been taught anyway. Forgive me if it was intended.
I think I'm in love with Gangfield, I may have to marry him :3
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:iconthe-ez:
The-Ez Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much for helping to point out my little mishaps. :D I'll definitely fix that the next time I dig into these chapters. I copy-paste any corrections by my readers into a special text document, then I bulk-edit every few months. :evillaugh: I am a genius. :B

Thanks again also for reading!!! :hug: And hey, if you gotta marry Gangfield, you gotta marry Gangfield. I can't stop you. :iconcorpsebrideplz: ;)
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:icontheallorian:
TheAllorian Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Student Writer
I'll send you an invite to the wedding :3 You're welcome! 
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:iconcrispylettuce:
CrispyLettuce Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I put it off for ages, but I'm finally reading it! Hooray!
I noticed a few things in this chapter which may or may not be small, nit-picky, errors.

-On page three towards the bottom, you wrote, "her gown was skew." I'm not certain, but I would think it would be "askew" or "skewed".
-On page four, “'I’m already upset,' replied she with a sigh". I read it as "she replied", but it actually says "replied she". I know sometimes you can write things like that in reverse order, so I don't know if that was purposeful or not.
-Also on page four, a few times "Millie" becomes "Mille".
-On page twenty, Gangfield says, “You do not look at him the same you look at the Chairmaker.” I feel like it should say "same way", but maybe that's a dialect difference. Like saying "in future" vs "in the future".

ANYWAY. Annoying-editor-mode OFF.
The story is pretty fun so far! I think Gangfield is officially my favorite character as of now. His and Ruth's interactions are pretty hilarious.
Great work. Keep it up! :D
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:iconthe-ez:
The-Ez Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Annoying editor mode???? ANNOYING editor mode???? ARE YOU NUTS!!???!! :la:

More like SUPER AMAZINGLY HELPFUL editor mode, okay!!! :XD: Thanks so much for pointing those out. They were totally typos/mistakes! :faint: Seriously, wow, I appreciate it so much!! :glomp:

I'll be adding some drawings in the very near future, so I'll have to upload this chapter soon anyways. I'm so stoked I got some things to fix in the text, too, now. It just makes sense to do it all in one go. :nod: Please never hesitate to point anything out. I really need the assistance!!! :hug:

And thanks for taking the time to read and comment! :D I sincerely hope you keep enjoying the story!! :glomp: :heart:
Reply
:iconcrispylettuce:
CrispyLettuce Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Student Digital Artist
You are very welcome!
I know you always say you're looking for feedback in the description, but I can't help feeling nitpicky. ;p I'm glad it was helpful!
Excited to read the rest of your story. :D
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:iconxdoglate:
xDoglate Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You should draw Mr. Byron, sometime. :)
Reply
:icon3fangs:
3Fangs Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
Ah, Gangfield! So mischievous! :lmao:
This was a very humorous chapter, I found myself laughing quite a bit at some of Ruth's awkward antics and Gangfield's general tomfoolery.
I like how you mix in serious bits with the humor...you have a good balance in this story. I find myself smiling in between the serious bits, and it only enhances, rather than detracts. =)
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