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Oh my gosh! This literally took months! This chapter was a logistical NIGHTMARE! It was originally supposed to be part of Chapter 3, but I'm very glad I split them up.
Please let me know if things get confusing. It was tough to run with so many conversations and actions. Please let me know if anything is unclear or superfluous.
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CHAPTER 3 << | CHAPTER 4 | >> CHAPTER 5
The dialog up to this point is only getting better and better! Its phenomenal! You seem to have a really good understanding of the high society English (I don't know if that's a thing I'm just calling it that?) etiquette in conversation.
I really. REALLY love Gangfield. And I can't get enough of his lines-- "Forgive me. I seem to have misplaced my rat."
I wanted to point this phrase: "Ruth was relieved, but she tried to concealed it" in page 24… is it not "conceal"?
I wish there where more illustrations like in last chapter! but the narrative is still clear without them.
Gaaad, Gangfield, I accuse you of greeting plagiarism!
I know you like hearing feedback and stuff, and I did notice one tiny thing that may or may not have been intended;
“Settling for life-long security sounds like a pretty good deal
to me. Right now I—me, Ruth, right here—I have nothing." I do believe after the second hyphen you can remove the 'I'. I think the hyphens are supposed to be added information, so that when you take the hyphened bit out it'd still make sense *if that makes any sense*.
Like, If you took the 'me, Ruth, right here' out of it, it says, 'Right now I I have nothing.' That's what I've been taught anyway. Forgive me if it was intended.
I think I'm in love with Gangfield, I may have to marry him :3
Thanks again also for reading!!! And hey, if you gotta marry Gangfield, you gotta marry Gangfield. I can't stop you.
I noticed a few things in this chapter which may or may not be small, nit-picky, errors.
-On page three towards the bottom, you wrote, "her gown was skew." I'm not certain, but I would think it would be "askew" or "skewed".
-On page four, “'I’m already upset,' replied she with a sigh". I read it as "she replied", but it actually says "replied she". I know sometimes you can write things like that in reverse order, so I don't know if that was purposeful or not.
-Also on page four, a few times "Millie" becomes "Mille".
-On page twenty, Gangfield says, “You do not look at him the same you look at the Chairmaker.” I feel like it should say "same way", but maybe that's a dialect difference. Like saying "in future" vs "in the future".
ANYWAY. Annoying-editor-mode OFF.
The story is pretty fun so far! I think Gangfield is officially my favorite character as of now. His and Ruth's interactions are pretty hilarious.
Great work. Keep it up!
More like SUPER AMAZINGLY HELPFUL editor mode, okay!!! Thanks so much for pointing those out. They were totally typos/mistakes! Seriously, wow, I appreciate it so much!!
I'll be adding some drawings in the very near future, so I'll have to upload this chapter soon anyways. I'm so stoked I got some things to fix in the text, too, now. It just makes sense to do it all in one go. Please never hesitate to point anything out. I really need the assistance!!!
And thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I sincerely hope you keep enjoying the story!!
This was a very humorous chapter, I found myself laughing quite a bit at some of Ruth's awkward antics and Gangfield's general tomfoolery.
I like how you mix in serious bits with the humor...you have a good balance in this story. I find myself smiling in between the serious bits, and it only enhances, rather than detracts.
And I'll be honest...when Ruth or Theodore are acting a little awkward I find it really amusing.
I'm happy also that Ruth got her revenge! Soooo cool!
The only thing that I'm wondering is: If Gangfield (btw I love his first name! Chester is soooo adorable!! <3) and Ruth are best firends, how come that Gangfield doesn't know about nothing Theodore? I guess you'll explain that later on Also I supouse Ruth haven't said a word to anyone yet, have she?
In the end you're more than welcome to pronounce it the way you like. I mean, it's for your enjoyment after all.
I just wanted to say that I'm using British spelling, so swapping the 'z' out for an 's' in words like apologise and realise is correct, as is adding a 'u' to words like favourite and colour. The 'u' was actually taken out of the American spelling by the US press way back when to save on printing costs. Pretty cool, huh?
And I meant for Adam to smile in vindication. He hates getting preened so he loves it when his mom gets it wrong.
Thanks again, you awesome person!!!!
Well, more like foreshadowing. :')
Loving the humor, btw xD
I am taking Gangfield and keeping him for myself.
Sicily would probably have botched every elegible bachelor "date" she ever had, just to give her grandparents grief.
Can I totally just be under the table with Gangfield and Dennis and just talk?
I love rats and a good under the table chit chat. you can learn ever so much!
Really happy to know you like ol' Gangfield! Because like I said, I worry that I'm making him too annoying or even pretentious sometimes.
Thank you for taking the time to read my work and for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it so much! I actually can't express it in words! JUST THANK YOU!!!
Some think your attitude is gr9 some take it as a flaw of yours.
Personally I love his smugness and general sassyness and perceiveness - I dont even know if these I'm using are words - and how he's not afraid to just speak his mind..and also hes intense (when he's serious)!
AAHHH YOURE SO WELCOME thank YOU for sharing with us
Anywho, great story! I can't wait to start reading the next chapter!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it LOADS!!!
Please don't hesitate to share any of your thoughts or let me know if I'm doing something wrong. I'm still learning a lot when it comes to writing, and I appreciate any and all input.
i loved the scene where gangfield was being so protective over ruth (when he said that byron wasn't good enough for her, and afterwards trying to be intimidating that was so sweet! it was nice to see such a caring side of him)
and no, i did not find anything confusing (:
maybe one little thing: at one point, Mrs Rosewood says to ruth that she should 'get her act together', and that somehow didn't sound very 19th-century-ish if you know what i mean. But on the other hand, english is not my native language so what do i know (;
Hmmmmm! I wonder, hey! About the 'get act together' bit... I actually have no idea if it's period-appropriate. I wish there were a way to check. I guess I'll leave it to simmer in there for now. But yes, it's very likely that it's wrong. Thanks for letting me know. I'll keep an eye out to see if I can check up on that one!
I have drawn Byron!! He's top left here --> [link] It's really old and I'd love to redraw him sometime, but I hope that's enough to give you an idea just for now.
Glad you enjoyed it, Thank you for your thorough input! Please let me know if you find anything else that's off. I will check in on that one phrase in the meantime!!!
have a great day!
yeah, it's not of that great importance, so i shouldn't worry about too hard (; it's just a feeling i got -y-
and yay! i'll check it out
You think I should let it slip in dialogue and exposition, or would you like to see a fully-fledged flashback? Please, your input on this would be awesome!
Thanks for taking the time to read it and comment!!
Can I ask you something huge, please?? Do you think I should let slip what happened between Ruth and Theodore in tidbits and dialogue, or would you like to see a fully-fledged flashback? I don't know which to do.
Thanks for reading!!
hmm i think the flash back would be good you know like she was talking with sombody or doing somthing and while doing that somthing she had a flashback. . er..umm or never mind
ps: omg i cant belive you asked "me" .
Uhm, actually the thought of translating it into another language never crossed my mind. It hardly finds an audience in English, so it's hard to imagine a large enough group of people speaking another language would be interested.
I think for now it'll stay English. Thanks for the suggestion, though